I am broaching on new territory in my short but long life.
I have never physically lived anywhere longer than five years. And that was as an adult. I went to the same Jr High/High School for six years but we moved in my sophomore year and I could sense a difference - friends were the same but slightly different, my mom drove me and picked me up from school instead of me walking, stuff like that. I was and still am terrible at keeping up with friends who I have moved away from and who have moved away from me... even with the technology we have today, I am still really bad at it.
So as I sit in the house that I am now starting my sixth year in and thinking of the friends I have made and will (hopefully) continue to be my friends well into the future, I wonder, "How will things be different?" I have never had close friends longer than 5 or maybe 6 years (if I was lucky to keep in touch). I have always been pretty good at the moving and figuring out the new spot where I belong and now, I hope, I will learn some new things... like how to maintain and be a good LIFE long friend.
It's rather exciting to me.
Yet, even in the 'I'm hopefully not moving' thought, other things DO take our friends away. And I am going through that new-to-me season right now. A good friend of mine, who also happens to be my boss, is dying from cancer. Inasmuch as we have prayed and prayed and prayed, she is going to die. Reality is slowly sinking in as I have to tell our patients (I say 'our' because I love them almost as much as she does.) I've never had someone close to me pass away... I have lost my grandparents - but because I didn't get to visit them very much, in my mind they will always be 'there'... My sister's husband and my sister-in-law's husband both died in pretty tragic ways, but again, they weren't in my day-to-day life, so it's almost like they aren't really gone either. It's weird maybe, but that is just how it feels to me. Gone, but not forgotten.
But this is different. She has been different, to me. She has always been thoughtful - she has taught me the value of a Thank You card. She would bring me random things - usually out of her closet - and even if my family couldn't use them, it brought a smile to my face that she thought of me. She always remembered my birthday - and she bought me gifts, and at that, gifts that I actually really liked. We laughed together, cried together, prayed together... she's not gone yet, but I already miss her. I have no way of knowing how I will react to this - because it is new to me.
And then on another front... last night my son heard about a classmate who had taken his life. It's still pretty fresh in our hearts and minds, but some of the rumblings that are coming up are saying that this young man was bullied - but because it is so new, I don't know for sure what exactly happened. It breaks my heart to know that there is a mom and dad and brother out there who are dealing with this senseless, tragic loss. I didn't know this boy. I don't know his family. But my heart aches for them. It breaks for them. This makes me want to hug on my kids even tighter and harder than I already do. I am so very glad that my kids not only talk to one another but talk to myself and their dad as well. I would hope that if they were being bullied that they would reach out to someone for comfort and assistance - even if it was not myself or my husband. It hurts to be bullied - and it doesn't just happen to young people.
Our world is so broken right now. It is so full of anger and hurt and what seems like utter hopelessness. I try to shield myself from some of the ugliness, but most of the time it is impossible to not see it or hear about it. It is hard for those of us who feel like we need to do something and can't... but I remind myself that I can do something in my own sphere of influence, in my own corner of the world per se. I can treat people with kindness. I can reach out to those who look and seem hopeless. Like my oldest daughter just recently said, I can smile at someone - and even if they don't smile back, I have done just a little part to brighten their day.
But more than that... I am a Christ-follower. I am commanded in the Bible to "Go into the world and make disciples." Understanding that not everyone I come into contact with can sit and listen to my testimony or will have time to hear the Gospel message, I can and do have time, even in the short moments, to say a kind word, smile, sit by someone who needs a friend, etc etc. It is my hope that I have and am doing my job in teaching my kids to be kind, welcoming individuals. I hear and see little bits and pieces of their lives and I can tell that they definitely try... but there are so many who resist, who bully, who are mean and cruel, who try to bring others down, who intentionally do things to hurt others - so it is hard. It's a battle. And it can suck sometimes.
So as I (possibly) start my blog back up again, I say, "Hello friend. It's been awhile, I know." Treat others as you would like to be treated. Spread kindness. Show mercy. Give grace.
And be the light to those who live in darkness.
M
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