Melissa, Christmas 'Grinch' No Longer

Do you know someone who just doesn't like Christmas?  I do.  And it used to be me.

A couple of years ago I found that my heart started to open back up to the magic of Christmas.  I think it was a Christmas or two after we moved to Washington and I just found myself finally settling in and enjoying the season.  

You see, I used to work all Christmas long.  Hard.  And I saw so much greed and discontent.  And I let it bury itself into my heart.  Christmas meant bad things to me.  I couldn't enjoy the birth of the Christ child because I was too wrapped up in making sure that we made enough money or we had enough toys or that we checked the lists and checked them thrice...  it was exhausting.  And when my kids were really little, we would jump in the car on Christmas Eve, after we had counted the last of the Christmas donations and we would drive for hours to visit this set of grandparents or that set.  I didn't get to revel in the mystery and wonder of Jesus' birth.  I was too busy and too preoccupied.

But things have changed. I no longer have to deal with those things of 'Christmas' any more. And even though I have recently gone back to work for the same organization that brought me much strife during the season, it is different.  Way different.

"All who heard the shepherds' story were astonished, 

but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often."  

Luke 2:18, 19

Now, we have new 'traditions'.  There is no more rushing and scurrying about.  Christmas time is much sweeter and is again open to wonder and awe.

A few years back I started the 'tradition' of going to a church that is not our own on Christmas Eve.  See we have an absolutely wonderful Christmas Eve service at our church (It is one of my favorites of the year!) - but on Christmas Eve, I wouldn't mind being in worship ALL DAY LONG.  And this year, I can - almost!  Anyways, after our Christmas Eve service we usually go looking at lights as a family and then we find a church that has a late, late service and we go to that one as well.  Not only do we get to worship the Christ child again corporately, but we also get to see 'church' done in a different way.  One year it was non-denominational.  Another Episcopal.  Yet another Methodist.  This year, we are going to a Catholic service.  It has brought about many a wonderful conversation with my children about what we enjoyed and what we didn't (the communion wine at the Episcopal church was awful!) - but it also keeps us focused on the true meaning of the season and why we do all of the things that we do during this time and really throughout the whole year.

"Mary responded, 'Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.  How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!" 

Luke 1: 46, 47

Christmas carols have also been brought back into a new light within my life and this year I have found that I am enjoying them with a new vigor and joy.   I am reminded that not only do I love to sing them, but I love to play them on my flute as well.  It is not often that childhood memories pop into my head, but I was thinking about how much I enjoyed singing carols and songs at school - in fact, I think it was my favorite part of nearly every elementary school I went to - the All-School Carol Sing right before Christmas Break. There is just something about those songs... and I know that most likely it is the joy that bubbles up when they are sung - and they are usually sung with gusto.

My husband issued a challenge this morning to the congregation to listen to Christmas songs one day a month for the next year...  I just might try that out!  (He is going to be floored by this statement...)

My little Grinch heart has grown three sizes...  and I think perhaps a little bit more this Christmas season.

Find the joy of Christmas.  Don't let the busyness and hustle get you down.  Find that one little something that can bring you back to the stable - to the manger - where Jesus was laid.  I love to think of him as that little wiggly baby, wrapped in whatever cloth they could find.  Oh the joy that Mary must have felt - and Joseph too - when they looked upon that child.  The wonder of Christmas is there.  He is wonderful.  And awesome too.

"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, 

and they will call him Immanuel, which means, 'God with us.'" 

Matthew 1:23 

(originally found in Isaiah 7:14, quoted by Matthew in his account of the birth of Christ.)

My prayer is that you will find the joy of Christmas within your heart.  Seek out the Christ child.  He is waiting for you.

With love and joy... and peace,

M

Melissa in Full Color.

I have had a lot of things to think about and process during the last week - God has been so faithful and loving, patient and understanding. And I don't think that I could have done anything that I have done without His full support and strength.

Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord.

The idea that God wants to give us a Technicolor view of the world has been rolling around in my head, over and over again.  I just have to say right off the bat - the word 'Technicolor' dates me.  I don't even know what the highest definition televisions are even called any more.  In my head when I am thinking about this concept, I see the movie, The Wizard of Oz, one of my favorites, where Dorothy goes from living in her black and white world (which do you even realize how muted THAT world was at the time! Technology is amazing...), to walking into a world full of color and wonder and amazement. For her, it was just a dream (sorry for the spoiler, LOL) but I believe that for us, God wants it to be a reality.

I really do think that the closer one gets to God, the more our eyes, ears and hearts will be open to the world around us.  Inasmuch as the world is filled with ugliness (due to the Fall - our world is a sinful one), our world is also beautiful.  Our lives can be beautiful - filled with love and joy and kindness.  Our eyes can be opened to what God wants for us to see - and I truly do believe that we can and will see more when we allow God to clean out the inner recesses of our own lives - those secret sins and dark places where we might harbor bitterness or resentment.

I am to the point in my own life where I don't even want to jeopardize my self with even the tiniest of sins (not that they are rated or on a scale, but some of you will know what I mean.)  I desire to do the will of God in my own life and I have seen so many blessings.  Some people might say - but your life is not perfect, you still deal with this or that - and yes, I do have to still work through the consequences of old past mistakes.  And it is because I am living and working through those things that keeps my heart and mind closer to what God wants for me and my life.

FYI - we live in a spiritual world.  We are being attacked each and every day, whether we like it or even know it.  It is because of this that we read in scripture that we are to put on the 'full armor of God' - just one example of how God wants to protect us, because He knows that we have to live here, even if for a short time.   I know that the closer one gets to God, the more that the Evil one wants to destroy you...  like moths to a light, those who are shining the light of God will attract those who yearn to get out of the darkness, and that makes someone very unhappy.

So as I have been saying to a few people...  why would you want to hold on to sin (a 'willful transgression of the known law') which will keep you from seeing the absolute amazing beauty that God wants to show you - because He wants to reveal so much more to us, but He can't if we are holding on to things that prevent us from growing closer to Him...

Testimony from this last week:  because I have been able to do some humanly 'impossible' things, I have been blessed with things that I might not have seen or recognized before...  A homeless man who needed direction, who simply asked for a piece of candy (and I said yes) - who then returned about 30 minutes later and asked for another.  It wasn't about the candy - he saw kindness in me and when I saw him the second time, I could sense his relief in finding shelter and warmth.  The candy was just an added bonus.  <3  A woman who was seeking help for her brother with HIV - I gave her direction and sent her on her way.  She returned to thank me, even though she unfortunately did not get what she was needing - but she saw something in me to return and asked me to pray for her and her brother.

It's these brief glimpses of Heaven that keep me going when I am hit with a brief punch of self-pity or jealousy or sorrow.  God is bigger.  God is stronger.  God is able.

Why don't we let Him do what needs to be done so we can do what He wants for us to do?

Be free, my friends.
M

Melissa, the Motivator? Only in humility...

Recently I have been placed in a position of being an accountability partner of sorts and it has gotten me thinking about myself and my own accountability.  After talking with a couple of folks who require someone else to keep them accountable - and that is usually how these things work - I did some self-analysis and have determined - I am and have probably always been self-accountable.  How does that work, you say?  Some, I know, might understand this because I can't be the only one on earth who keeps themselves on track and/or gets themselves back on track.  Something within me makes me want to do the right thing and if I do not, or I fail to do what is needed/wanted/required, I naturally feel bad or guilty or lacking in some way.

In the same way I do not require praise or reward for a 'job well done' (not that it isn't nice), but I do what needs to be done without a pat on the back or an award of some sort or even a nice word.  This drives my husband nuts because he *does* work in this way and because I don't; I am not quick to praise, nor do I show much emotion towards someone who does praise (I do thank the person - I am not cold about it.)  Perhaps I am strange - or it is just programmed in to me.

****************************************************************

So... I started this blog yesterday (Thursday, Nov 9) and then my devotions for the morning were about this exact thing.   One of the scripture verses that was mentioned this morning (Nov 10):

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves."  Philippians 2:3 NLT

Or in a different version - so many good ones out there...

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3 ESV

I struggled yesterday with finishing or wanting to post my blog because I didn't want to seem like I was puffing myself up or saying that I was better than someone else because I don't require accolade or constant praise.  I have a built in 'disappointment' meter - and I attribute it to my relationship with God.  In as much as I remember about before the age of 19, I know that I was a pretty straight laced kid who didn't want to do anything wrong, now I just don't have any desire to do wrong - and if I even think about it, I immediately have a sense of guilt or shame.

(One of my Life Verses...)
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.  Psalm 139:23-24 

Anyways, so being someone's accountability partner has been interesting.  I have been challenged by it. In as much as I have people who rely on me (Hello, four kids and a husband), I am constantly trying to help them be more self-sufficient. (This brings up a whole 'nother topic!) BUT I do understand that having others keep us accountable about things is important!

Really, I do know that it is. *big grin*

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thess. 5:11

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

I want to be a continually learner in all things and especially in Godly things, so I really do think He challenges me daily.

How is God challenging *you*?

Grace and peace to you,
Melissa

Melissa, constantly attempting to be disciplined.

Gee whiz... the word 'discipline' keeps coming up today.

Ugh.  Anyone else feel that way about discipline?

As a parent, I feel like I have been a pretty strong disciplinarian.  I have relaxed a little in my ways, but I feel that that is because my children have gotten to the point where they don't need constant reminding... and if they want to live in their filth in their rooms, so be it. When the kids were little, I was on them all the time... having four kids, I didn't want them to be annoying to others, or a burden or whatever else my mind thought about others' perceptions of my brood. I was fairly good at disciplining... yet my own discipline was lacking.  And sometimes still is.

The past few years, especially, the word 'discipline' has been accompanied by a couple other words... and words that most people shy away from or don't like to think of.  Obedience. Submission. God calls us to all of these things, but because we are human, we don't like any of it.  I can be good and disciplined in some things, but others? I am severely lacking.  I am terrible at doing my daily devotions.  I am downright obscenely awful at exercising. I fail miserably at keeping up with friends and loved ones. In some ways I see this as laziness or selfishness, but I also see it in apathy and lack of self discipline.

I have recently changed jobs and with it comes a whole new learning curve of how to maintain my schedule and my household duties and my parental responsibilities.  Confession time: I have never worked a full time job (meaning 40 hours a week - 8 hours a day), so this is a new challenge (and one that I am up for.) (Side note: for those of you who knew me 'then' - yes, I did work very long, long days at camp (sometimes up to 18 hours a day for numerous days in a week) but that was only 2 months out of the year and I actually really, really enjoyed that time.  But I was also selfish in that I really enjoyed the work and did not pay much attention to my family - and my kids were kinda little then.) Because I am now working from 7:30am to 4pm, I have to change the way I do certain things... I can no longer do last minute grocery shopping before dinnertime - I actually have to have things planned out and sometimes even rely on my kids to get things started (thanks Lily!) I no longer can take my afternoon nap (oh the travesty!) - but as I am thinking about it, I don't really need one (I think) because I think I was just sleeping because I was bored.  I will have to figure out when to do my housecleaning chores... I used to do them on Friday mornings, but I can no longer do that because I am working on Fridays. I have spoiled my family a bit, not making them do chores, so that might be something that happens... but in reality I just hope that my family will start picking up after themselves (haha).

One of the nice things about my new job is that even though I am working, I have some time to do things and get things done while I am at work. I have been doing my bible study (catching up mostly!) and a little reading (I need to go to the library - yay!) I think I will be able to focus more on praying for people (I have time!) and keeping up with correspondence. (Hook me up with your address or email address if you want a note!) Because I am only starting my second week, I haven't really thought through much more than that, but I know that I will be able to do so much more because my job mostly requires that I am present (I answer phones and monitor the entryways, plus a few other smaller things), so I am able to fill my time as I wish (mostly).  It has given me a lot of time to think - which I don't mind, being a thinker! - and I am relishing this time that God has provided me to spend with Him and to be able to be still and listen to Him.

And, making no promises, I think I will be able to blog more again...  I have so much to say but sometimes not a lot of time to say it, and now, I think I will have more time!  I have a few things to say about obedience...  God has shown me some really good things this past week and if I wasn't obedient to His gentle nudging, I would have missed out!

Enjoy your Tuesday, my friends.

Grace and peace,
Melissa

Melissa the Prayer, Thankful for His Comfort

Oh Lord, How Great Thou Art.  This is my anthem today.

Oh Lord my God

When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds
Thy hands have made
I see the stars
I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power throughout
The universe displayed

Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great thou art
How great thou art
Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art

And when I think of God,
His son not sparing,
Sent Him to die,
I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden
gladly bearing He bled and died
to take away my sin

When Christ shall come
With shout of acclamation
And take me home
What joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow
With humble adoration
And then proclaim My God
How great Thou art

My friend, Sarah, has gotten me into watching a YouTube channel called Good Mythical Morning.   These two guys crack me up.  They are funny and fun and I really enjoy watching what they are going to come up with next.  Yesterday's episode was about a scientific study about how talking to yourself in third person can calm you and reduce your heartbeat and stress level.  Poor Link was stuck in a box with stressful things, including a six foot snake around his head and face.  

I don't think I have laughed so hard since I started watching them.

But the idea of talking to yourself to relieve fear, stress and anxiety - I can see it.  I understand the concept and I even get the fact that when you are talking to yourself, you are less likely to be thinking about the things that are making you stressed or anxious or fearful. Yet, I have found a better way.  

Prayer.

Talking to yourself is all good - ask my husband (haha) - but talking to God, I think that is even better. Those of us who know God and have a relationship know that He provides us with a Comforter - who is the Holy Spirit.  He is promised to us.  Acts 2:38 says, "And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."  Jesus promises us in John 14:16 that "I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever." 

So today as I see my friend finally laid to rest, I will be in constant communication with my Lord.  His Holy Spirit will be providing comfort and peace - I know this to be true. I can be assured that I will see my friend one day again when I close my eyes for the last time and walk into the Heavenly home that Jesus speaks about going to prepare for us.  My hope is in the Lord.  Without that Hope, I would be and have nothing.

Grace and peace, my friends,

M

Melissa, Friend of Shelly

The way I happened upon her ad for office help was so strange...

Today is my four year anniversary working for Shelly.  Four years ago, I wasn't even looking for a job.  But I had thought about finding something part time because I knew that money was going to start getting tight with all of these kids going to high school (boy has it been!)  And then one day, probably mid-August of 2013, I got a random email about a job opening at a church in town.  They were looking for a church secretary.  So I thought about it and then put together a resume and sent it over to that church.  The next day I picked up the little paper that gets thrown into my driveway and actually looked at it...  I almost never look at that thing.  In it was an ad for office help for a local chiropractor.  Since I had applied for the other, I thought to myself "Why not" - and I sent in my resume to that one as well.

I got a call back the next day.  Heck, it might have even been that afternoon.  (I emailed my resume in.)

I interviewed and then interviewed again and then she called me to start two weeks from that day.  I've been here ever since.

I used to think, for the first year or so, that she couldn't remember my name.  :) She called me 'the front desk girl' a lot, but I soon figured out that names didn't always come to her easily.  we developed quite a rapport  - one of our favorite funny things was when she would be thinking about a patient but couldn't remember their name, so she would start listing where they lived or who their kids were or what they did... And I would say, "Oh, you mean Tom Jones" (Not really our patient - ha) and she would say something like "How do you do that?" :) I loved those moments.

We talked a lot about life. We talked about parenting and marriage and we talked a lot about spiritual things. Even though she was older than me by 9 years and had kids longer, she would ask my advice about how to approach this or that.  We had a mutual love for cats and talked about how we would love to have an office cat, but we knew it might not go over so well with patients who didn't like cats or who were allergic. <3

She always remembered my birthday - and I will always remember hers because it is the same day as one of my kids.  She was so thoughtful with gifts and it was her dedication to writing Thank You notes that I have seen the value of sending a hand written note.

The past couple of years I prayed with her often.  She wasn't afraid to ask hard questions.  Her faith was so strong. She would tell me stories about things she experienced while in the hospital or when she wasn't feeling well at home - the Lord was close to her and was revealing Himself to her in very special ways. She didn't always know how to interpret that, so we had some really good conversations about them.

She loved so deeply and so purely.  She loved her patients so much that she worked until she absolutely could not work any longer - and I know that even in her druggy state during the last few weeks, she was still thinking about her work and her patients.

I know that God put me in Shelly's life for a purpose and a reason.  I am so glad that I didn't throw that paper away that day or choose to not send in my resume for the job.  To me, even though this job is not what one would consider a 'ministry' position, it has been for me.  One might think that I am just the 'office help', but I consider myself to be an Ambassador for the Lord. ;)

It'll be interesting to see where the Lord will lead me next...  my job here is not quite done (and I still do not know how long things will continue for me here) but you better bet I'm going to be listening for His voice to lead me to the next spot in my journey.

Grace and peace,
Melissa

Melissa the Griever

I don't know how to do this.

My friend, and boss, Dr. Shelly McGath has left this world for one greater.  Right now I don't know what to do or what to think.  She was a staple in my life for the past four years - in fact, my work-iversary is Thursday...  I started working for her four years ago on September 13, 2013.

Right now I just don't have any words to say.

So don't mind me if I seem to be acting a little differently...  I have never done this before.  I have never lost someone that I saw nearly every single day.

M

Melissa the Bearer of Bad News...

My mantra the past month or so has been #stressstressstress.

Yes, I actually say "hash tag".

This last weekend was a huge Band Mom undertaking that I am glad to say is over and now I can enjoy the rest of my boys's marching band season.  I love helping and organizing all that I do, and yet it has been a nice distraction from my daily life where I am living/working in limbo, not sure what is happening from day to day.

My prayer life is pretty active as it is (I literally went to sleep last night repeating the words "calm the wind, Lord" over and over in my head) - but I wonder if God is like "Woman, I've got this." Which I know He does.  But when you are living in the land of unknowns and you like planning be prepared for things, it makes it difficult to be excited for the day ahead.

Being the constant "bearer of bad news" does wear on a person... and I know that some people I speak to over the phone or talk to in person do not think about the fact that I have repeated some of these same words to literally hundreds of people by now, but I am getting weary. I am definitely relying very heavily on the strength that can only come from someone greater than you or I - and that is God.

So as I am trudging through this week, I am looking forward to the weekend where I will have fun being surrounded by marching band goodness...  there is a football game Friday night against our hometown rival, then my youngest marches in a parade on Saturday morning and then in the afternoon I get to watch my boys perform at a marching band competition. There will be joy. <3

Have a good week, friends.  And remember to pray and support those who have been affected by all of the natural disasters in our world.

Melissa

Melissa the Transient... hopefully no more.

I am broaching on new territory in my short but long life.

I have never physically lived anywhere longer than five years.  And that was as an adult.  I went to the same Jr High/High School for six years but we moved in my sophomore year and I could sense a difference - friends were the same but slightly different, my mom drove me and picked me up from school instead of me walking, stuff like that.  I was and still am terrible at keeping up with friends who I have moved away from and who have moved away from me... even with the technology we have today, I am still really bad at it.

So as I sit in the house that I am now starting my sixth year in and thinking of the friends I have made and will (hopefully) continue to be my friends well into the future, I wonder, "How will things be different?" I have never had close friends longer than 5 or maybe 6 years (if I was lucky to keep in touch).  I have always been pretty good at the moving and figuring out the new spot where I belong and now, I hope, I will learn some new things...  like how to maintain and be a good LIFE long friend.

It's rather exciting to me.

Yet, even in the 'I'm hopefully not moving' thought, other things DO take our friends away.  And I am going through that new-to-me season right now.  A good friend of mine, who also happens to be my boss, is dying from cancer.  Inasmuch as we have prayed and prayed and prayed, she is going to die.  Reality is slowly sinking in as I have to tell our patients (I say 'our' because I love them almost as much as she does.) I've never had someone close to me pass away... I have lost my grandparents - but because I didn't get to visit them very much, in my mind they will always be 'there'... My sister's husband and my sister-in-law's husband both died in pretty tragic ways, but again, they weren't in my day-to-day life, so it's almost like they aren't really gone either.  It's weird maybe, but that is just how it feels to me. Gone, but not forgotten.

But this is different.  She has been different, to me.  She has always been thoughtful - she has taught me the value of a Thank You card.  She would bring me random things - usually out of her closet - and even if my family couldn't use them, it brought a smile to my face that she thought of me.  She always remembered my birthday - and she bought me gifts, and at that, gifts that I actually really liked. We laughed together, cried together, prayed together...  she's not gone yet, but I already miss her.  I have no way of knowing how I will react to this - because it is new to me.

And then on another front... last night my son heard about a classmate who had taken his life.  It's still pretty fresh in our hearts and minds, but some of the rumblings that are coming up are saying that this young man was bullied - but because it is so new, I don't know for sure what exactly happened.  It breaks my heart to know that there is a mom and dad and brother out there who are dealing with this senseless, tragic loss.  I didn't know this boy.  I don't know his family.  But my heart aches for them. It breaks for them.  This makes me want to hug on my kids even tighter and harder than I already do.  I am so very glad that my kids not only talk to one another but talk to myself and their dad as well.  I would hope that if they were being bullied that they would reach out to someone for comfort and assistance - even if it was not myself or my husband.  It hurts to be bullied - and it doesn't just happen to young people.

Our world is so broken right now.  It is so full of anger and hurt and what seems like utter hopelessness.  I try to shield myself from some of the ugliness, but most of the time it is impossible to not see it or hear about it.  It is hard for those of us who feel like we need to do something and can't... but I remind myself that I can do something in my own sphere of influence, in my own corner of the world per se.  I can treat people with kindness.  I can reach out to those who look and seem hopeless. Like my oldest daughter just recently said, I can smile at someone - and even if they don't smile back, I have done just a little part to brighten their day.

But more than that...  I am a Christ-follower.  I am commanded in the Bible to "Go into the world and make disciples." Understanding that not everyone I come into contact with can sit and listen to my testimony or will have time to hear the Gospel message, I can and do have time, even in the short moments, to say a kind word, smile, sit by someone who needs a friend, etc etc.  It is my hope that I have and am doing my job in teaching my kids to be kind, welcoming individuals.  I hear and see little bits and pieces of their lives and I can tell that they definitely try... but there are so many who resist, who bully, who are mean and cruel, who try to bring others down, who intentionally do things to hurt others - so it is hard.  It's a battle. And it can suck sometimes.

So as I (possibly) start my blog back up again, I say, "Hello friend.  It's been awhile, I know."   Treat others as you would like to be treated.  Spread kindness.  Show mercy. Give grace.

And be the light to those who live in darkness.

M