Playing Favorites? Not me! Or am I....

Life has a funny way of revealing hidden truths and moments. 

And by life, I mean God - because I don't believe in happenstance or karma or serendipity or chance or fate.  God has a plan.  We just sometimes choose to take a different route along that plan.

Today I happened to be reading a chapter in the Bible that I had read before - one that is underlined and has hearts drawn by verses and has things that automatically pop into my head when I need to hear something from God.  I came to the realization that if I could have a favorite verse or whole chapter - this is probably it.  I tend to not play the 'favorites' game... I very rarely have a favorite of any thing in particular - although my kids would say that one of them is in fact my favorite child - but in almost all things, I have a hard time choosing my 'favorite' of anything. 

Color?  I like them all.  And I can explain that if you ask.
Food? Too many good ones to choose from!
Vacation?  Day of the week?  TV show?  How can I choose just one?

By the way, this fact about me drives my husband nuts.  (Haha)

Yet - Isaiah 43...  I am finding, at least at this time in my life, might just be my favorite chapter in the whole Bible.

Why, you ask?

His promises are sure.  There is so much hope in this chapter.  God loves us so much and claims us as HIS.

When we go through times of distress, trouble, turmoil, (add your own word), HE is with us.  He gets us through, if we rely and trust in Him.

He constantly reminds us that we are HIS.  We are precious and honored and He loves us so very much.

He reassures us that He is our God.  He is our Savior.  There is no other like Him or before Him.

He reminds us that our past is not important and shouldn't be dwelt upon... He wants to create in us something new - this is especially sweet when we know that we have recently went through some really hard things...  He makes a way for us - and wants to bless us in those times.

The end of the chapter comes to a grim conclusion...  He reminds us that we don't ask for His help - in fact, we refuse, it says in verse 22.  We choose to not burden Him with ourselves, our sacrifices, our thanks - yet we do choose to continue to burden Him with our mistakes and our faults, things that we could have asked Him to help us overcome and get rid of for good.  However - verse 25 - He reminds us that He is the one who removes those blemishes...  we don't have to choose to live with them any more...

Friends, He wants to bless us.  He wants us to bless others with those things that He has blessed us with.  As we live in relationship and communion with God, we should want to live as He wants us to live...  but in our selfishness, laziness, apathy, etc, we choose otherwise.

The closer I get in my relationship with God, the more I find that my heart breaks for the things that I know break His heart.  My heart aches for the things that I know make His heart ache.  I find great joy in so many things that I know bring Him joy - and sometimes those things are ones that I know He has set there just for me (and for you too.)

He is our Redeemer.  Our Creator.  Our Savior.  The Holy One.

And all of that is found in Isaiah 43.  My (current) favorite chapter in the Bible.

Be blessed and free, my friends.
M

Praying in the Hard Times

We've all been there.  Hard times hit and for those of us who believe in the power of prayer and have experienced its amazing work in our lives, we know that what we need to do is come before God and lay our requests/cares/concerns out to Him.

But what happens when you just don't have the words to pray?

Well, as the one popular Christian song says, "Just say 'Jesus'."

It works.  And so does just being silent before the Lord.  Hands raised, knees bent, face down on the floor - no matter what your position may be, God hears and knows the hurts and concerns of our heart.

As I have shared before, prayer is something that comes rather naturally to me.  I sometimes feel like I have a constant running dialogue in my head with God.  Now some would question if I am just talking to myself - and perhaps sometimes that is true - but truly, I do feel like most of the time, I am not just talking to myself.  Because of that natural inclination, I usually don't find myself without words to pray - but there are times, and even some recently - where there are literally no words that come to mind.  No words.  I know then that I just need to find a quiet place and sit at His feet and wait.

The other day, my husband asked why I wasn't praying (selfishly, I might add) for something specifically that would impact our church and us personally - and I told him that I really have a hard time praying selfishly any more... inasmuch as I might want to pray for things selfishly, some of the first words that pop into my head and out my mouth now are "Your will be done, Lord."  The results of those prayers might be painful, or sorrowful to us personally, but I have found that when I do pray and even receive things that I thought I wanted so badly, they more often than not turn out to be not what I was really wanting or needing and are oftentimes more harmful in the long run.  From those experiences I have learned to pray less selfishly. I have learned that God is bigger and better and wants what is best for us - even when we might like it. In those moments - which might be longer than moments, but years - we are being molded and stretched and even chiseled into who God wants us to be.  And molding, stretching and chiseling - those things are not exactly comfortable or pleasant.  

Yet God knows what's best.

So if you find yourself in one of those times when you don't understand why you are having to go through what you are going through or what the purpose of your particular challenge is in that moment - pray.  If you don't have the words, then just be silent.  Find a friend who will pray for you.  Read God's word.  Listen to music.  Go for a hike or a walk.  Be mindful of what is happening around you and don't let yourself fall into bad habits or patterns.  And be willing to allow God to work on you. 

Be free, my friends.
M

It's the 'Little' Things...

Picking up clothes that didn't quite make it into the laundry hamper.  Making the bed. Cleaning out the cat boxes. Sending a random sweet text message during the day. Leaving a note or card by something that your spouse always uses in the morning, or throughout the day.

How do you show that you love your spouse... in the little things?

A few months back, I started folding and putting my husband's laundry away for him. I work full time, but I still do all of my family's laundry.  (Not saying this to brag, just to show something I do in love for my family.)  For awhile, I would do my husband's laundry and just leave it, unfolded, in a basket by his side of the bed. In a way, I did do that out of irritation - selfishness, really - and what's funny is that having that basket in our room actually drove me nuts.  (I like those things picked up and put away straight away.)  It didn't seem to be recognized right away that I was putting his clothes away - but I did notice that other things were being done, in reciprocation.  He started cleaning out the litter boxes (not always to my 'standard' but HEY they are done!) and did other little (and big) things around the house that I usually had to nitpick or annoyingly do myself.  I didn't ask.  He just started doing.

It's the little things.

It made me think of back in the beginning - when we first started dating.  I'm sure that some of the things that I have let grate on my nerves or annoy me were there back then, but I saw them as cute or funny or maybe just a little annoying but I let them slide.  But over time, we let arguments and annoyances build up this wall or break down the filter which causes more arguments or annoyances - a vicious cycle. Those things tend to be the beginning points of strife or the things that push us away from our spouses and perhaps into the arms (or mind) of another.  At some point we stop doing the 'little things' that we did in the dating and courting stages of our relationships...  why?

Kids, jobs, stress, health reasons...

How do we get back there?

Just by doing one 'little thing' at a time.   And without looking for anything in return.

Try it.  And don't give up.  (Oh, and make sure the lines of communication are open... in those 'little things', there might be hinderances from past hurts that need to be resolved. TALK - even when it hurts. LISTEN - and don't discount the other person's feelings. MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES - which I know isn't easy!)

<3 <3 <3

Something recently that has been on my mind... how often do you pray for your spouse?

I have prayed for mine for a long time.  We've been married for 22 years.  Until recently, most of those prayers have been unheard by my husband.  We've made it a habit to pray for one another *out loud* - whether that be spoken out loud or written in email or text.

I had to tell him last week that one of my long time prayers has been *almost* answered - and that it was difficult to pray for him in the way that he would probably want me to because of those long time prayers.

Let me explain.

Most people know that my husband is a long time drinker of soda.  Diet Coke was his drink of choice for longer than I have known him and more recently, he had switched to a diet Mt Dew, Powerade concoction.  He drank A LOT of soda.  And it was a running joke, of sorts.  It was mentioned in his sermons often.  Church members would bring him sodas or give him gift cards to buy more soda.  What most people wouldn't know is that I have been praying for him - for years - to quit drinking soda, mostly for health reasons.  I stopped 'nagging' him about it years ago. I just prayed.  He tried stopping a few times and once or twice he would be successful for a few weeks or months, but he always went back to drinking it.

I have also prayed - for years - for him to eat healthy.  He is the King of Fast Food and even when he lost a whole lot of weight about 10 years ago, he was still eating fast food - just not the bread or the fries.  His lifestyle has always been one on the go - and planning ahead by bringing healthy snacks or a lunch has just not been part of his routine. Even now - our house is right next to the church - he would still get in his car and drive to McDonald's to buy a double cheeseburger instead of eating something at home.  I prayed for fast food to taste bad (ask him!)  And I just kept praying.  Hoping for something to change, because I love him and want him to stay around for a long time!

And so, last week, he texted me and told me that he was heading to the ER...  I knew that he had been dealing with some indigestion issues (and tried to *nicely* say something about how to fix them) and the pain had finally got to the point where he couldn't stand it anymore.  The doctors ordered bloodwork and a UA - which all came back normal.  After doing an exam and speaking with him, the doctor determined that he has gastritis and/or GERD.  Thankfully nothing more serious.  But what corrects those conditions, or at least helps them to get better?

A change in diet.

Hmm...

So...  inasmuch as I wanted to pray for the pain to go away - which I did - I thought to myself, "I prayed for this."  I prayed for my husband to make changes in his diet.  I prayed for him to stop drinking soda.

I prayed for this.  Maybe not particularly that he would have severe abdominal pain, but I prayed for something to make him change.

So now, my prayers have changed.  I am now praying that he is able to have the strength and willpower to say "No" to that soda or the cheeseburger and fries.  Right now things are still healing, so he has a fresh perspective of what bad choices does to him.  But I know once the medicine kicks in and he is feeling better, it will be a lot harder to say "No" to the bad choices...

<3 <3 <3

Prayer.  Doing the 'little things'.  All good steps in making marriage all the more better.  Or even great!

Grace and peace,

M

22 Years of Wedded Bliss? Happy Anniversary Dear!

June 11, 1996.  A Tuesday.  Not your typical day for a wedding, but hey, it was our day and it gives me a 'funny' story to tell.  Even though it really isn't funny-haha.  It definitely makes the telling of our story unique - and we are definitely unique!  :)

22 years is not a monumental year to celebrate.  But this year, I have every reason to celebrate.  Marriage is hard work.  It's sometimes grueling, but sometimes easy.  It's frustrating, yet exhilarating. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, nor is it something to be taken lightly.  My husband and I have had good years and we have had bad years.  We've been through some absolutely awesome times and some very low, miserable times.  Through it all, we have both clung to God and His amazing providence.  God gets all the credit in keeping us together - and sane.  He also gets the credit in making remarkable changes in both of our lives...  without God, we would be nothing.  And most likely not together.

Going into year 22 I am looking forward to renewed focus and strength.  Recently my husband and I had a 'Come to Jesus' meeting (some of you will understand that) and it was determined that we needed to just lay everything out on the table and work through some stuff that had plagued our marriage for years.  And I mean YEARS.  Long nights of talking, tears and laughter shared - and finally a resolution that seems to be working itself out to be a great blessing.

I highly recommend figuring out how to 'fall in love' with your spouse again.  Like giddy school kids crush/high school teenager lust kind of love - only with a lot of God thrown in.  A lot.

God has done a miraculous work in both of our lives during the past six or so months...  I tell people it's like my brain has been rewired.  My husband had always desired that I make the effort to work out with him, or at least be present in the same place while we both work out (we don't usually do the same things when we work out) - and as of last Friday, I've been going to Planet Fitness for 13 weeks, 5 days a week and before that, since early January, I was walking/running every morning (until I hurt myself - and moved to working out at Planet.)  I had always desired that my husband and I do devotions together and pray together every day - and I expected that he be the one to lead it and organize it.  Well, being that he is a busy pastor and that I, too, was a pastor - I finally resolved in my heart that it was okay that I be the one to spur on devotions and prayer.  We have been very faithful - and look very much forward to  - doing our devotions together every day.  If he is already busy in his office (which happens, even at 6am), he always makes sure to find me before I leave so we can pray together.  Our day just doesn't feel right if we miss (which we did miss prayer one time a few months ago... blah.)

And as much as I can't speak for my husband, he too has had some remarkable things happen within his own life during this time.  People come into marriage with two different ways of being raised, and with lots of baggage, both carried willingly and also inherited through genetics.  Some of those things I had been praying about for a very long time - one simple one being his great need to drink massive amounts of diet soda.  I stopped nagging (yes, nagging) years ago - but chimed in every once in awhile (you know, like a 'good' wife.)  One day last month, he just decided he was done with it.  Cold turkey.  And although he has had a couple during the last few weeks, the urgency and need seems to have vanished.  That, my friends, is a God thing.  Huge.   There have been other very big changes within his life that we also can only attribute to God and His amazing mercy and grace.  God can remove some big things - completely and totally.  He really can.

As we embark on year 22, I look forward to such great things.  Someone recently commented at work that my husband and I must really like one another because he is always popping in to say hi (he also eats lunch with me twice a week.)  We both said, "Of course we do", and the response was one of "well, I like having my own space".   With me now working full time and with my husband's schedule being so busy (Welcome to Ministry!), we both look forward to those (sometimes short) times that we can spend together during the week.   I learned long ago that sometimes church members and others take precedence over time spent with my husband (usually all with good reason. And even on anniversaries... Hello year 20?  Church Campout.)  So we have found that making each moment count is so worth it (even if it is 5:00am.)

I write this to tell you that if you are struggling in your marriage, and you want to make things work (and both parties have to want to make things work... it just doesn't work one sided), there is hope.  Seek God and His wisdom.  COMMUNICATE. Talk to one another - REALLY talk.  Dig deep.  Sometimes hurt needs to surface so it can be dealt with - even hurts from years and years of stuffing.  Figure out what needs to change and actually do it.  Dig deep.  Allow God to heal.  Remember why you fell in love in the first place.  COMMUNICATE.  I can't stress that enough.  Talk to one another.

Even in the mushy gushiness, we have had some stumbles, but both of us have been good about talking - even if one or the other retreats or stuffs feelings in the moment.  It has been a great time of learning.  And I truly hope it continues as we continue to "grow old together".

Happy Anniversary, James Ramon Frye.  I love you with all of my heart.  <3
Melissa

Melissa, Christmas 'Grinch' No Longer

Do you know someone who just doesn't like Christmas?  I do.  And it used to be me.

A couple of years ago I found that my heart started to open back up to the magic of Christmas.  I think it was a Christmas or two after we moved to Washington and I just found myself finally settling in and enjoying the season.  

You see, I used to work all Christmas long.  Hard.  And I saw so much greed and discontent.  And I let it bury itself into my heart.  Christmas meant bad things to me.  I couldn't enjoy the birth of the Christ child because I was too wrapped up in making sure that we made enough money or we had enough toys or that we checked the lists and checked them thrice...  it was exhausting.  And when my kids were really little, we would jump in the car on Christmas Eve, after we had counted the last of the Christmas donations and we would drive for hours to visit this set of grandparents or that set.  I didn't get to revel in the mystery and wonder of Jesus' birth.  I was too busy and too preoccupied.

But things have changed. I no longer have to deal with those things of 'Christmas' any more. And even though I have recently gone back to work for the same organization that brought me much strife during the season, it is different.  Way different.

"All who heard the shepherds' story were astonished, 

but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often."  

Luke 2:18, 19

Now, we have new 'traditions'.  There is no more rushing and scurrying about.  Christmas time is much sweeter and is again open to wonder and awe.

A few years back I started the 'tradition' of going to a church that is not our own on Christmas Eve.  See we have an absolutely wonderful Christmas Eve service at our church (It is one of my favorites of the year!) - but on Christmas Eve, I wouldn't mind being in worship ALL DAY LONG.  And this year, I can - almost!  Anyways, after our Christmas Eve service we usually go looking at lights as a family and then we find a church that has a late, late service and we go to that one as well.  Not only do we get to worship the Christ child again corporately, but we also get to see 'church' done in a different way.  One year it was non-denominational.  Another Episcopal.  Yet another Methodist.  This year, we are going to a Catholic service.  It has brought about many a wonderful conversation with my children about what we enjoyed and what we didn't (the communion wine at the Episcopal church was awful!) - but it also keeps us focused on the true meaning of the season and why we do all of the things that we do during this time and really throughout the whole year.

"Mary responded, 'Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.  How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!" 

Luke 1: 46, 47

Christmas carols have also been brought back into a new light within my life and this year I have found that I am enjoying them with a new vigor and joy.   I am reminded that not only do I love to sing them, but I love to play them on my flute as well.  It is not often that childhood memories pop into my head, but I was thinking about how much I enjoyed singing carols and songs at school - in fact, I think it was my favorite part of nearly every elementary school I went to - the All-School Carol Sing right before Christmas Break. There is just something about those songs... and I know that most likely it is the joy that bubbles up when they are sung - and they are usually sung with gusto.

My husband issued a challenge this morning to the congregation to listen to Christmas songs one day a month for the next year...  I just might try that out!  (He is going to be floored by this statement...)

My little Grinch heart has grown three sizes...  and I think perhaps a little bit more this Christmas season.

Find the joy of Christmas.  Don't let the busyness and hustle get you down.  Find that one little something that can bring you back to the stable - to the manger - where Jesus was laid.  I love to think of him as that little wiggly baby, wrapped in whatever cloth they could find.  Oh the joy that Mary must have felt - and Joseph too - when they looked upon that child.  The wonder of Christmas is there.  He is wonderful.  And awesome too.

"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, 

and they will call him Immanuel, which means, 'God with us.'" 

Matthew 1:23 

(originally found in Isaiah 7:14, quoted by Matthew in his account of the birth of Christ.)

My prayer is that you will find the joy of Christmas within your heart.  Seek out the Christ child.  He is waiting for you.

With love and joy... and peace,

M

Melissa in Full Color.

I have had a lot of things to think about and process during the last week - God has been so faithful and loving, patient and understanding. And I don't think that I could have done anything that I have done without His full support and strength.

Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord.

The idea that God wants to give us a Technicolor view of the world has been rolling around in my head, over and over again.  I just have to say right off the bat - the word 'Technicolor' dates me.  I don't even know what the highest definition televisions are even called any more.  In my head when I am thinking about this concept, I see the movie, The Wizard of Oz, one of my favorites, where Dorothy goes from living in her black and white world (which do you even realize how muted THAT world was at the time! Technology is amazing...), to walking into a world full of color and wonder and amazement. For her, it was just a dream (sorry for the spoiler, LOL) but I believe that for us, God wants it to be a reality.

I really do think that the closer one gets to God, the more our eyes, ears and hearts will be open to the world around us.  Inasmuch as the world is filled with ugliness (due to the Fall - our world is a sinful one), our world is also beautiful.  Our lives can be beautiful - filled with love and joy and kindness.  Our eyes can be opened to what God wants for us to see - and I truly do believe that we can and will see more when we allow God to clean out the inner recesses of our own lives - those secret sins and dark places where we might harbor bitterness or resentment.

I am to the point in my own life where I don't even want to jeopardize my self with even the tiniest of sins (not that they are rated or on a scale, but some of you will know what I mean.)  I desire to do the will of God in my own life and I have seen so many blessings.  Some people might say - but your life is not perfect, you still deal with this or that - and yes, I do have to still work through the consequences of old past mistakes.  And it is because I am living and working through those things that keeps my heart and mind closer to what God wants for me and my life.

FYI - we live in a spiritual world.  We are being attacked each and every day, whether we like it or even know it.  It is because of this that we read in scripture that we are to put on the 'full armor of God' - just one example of how God wants to protect us, because He knows that we have to live here, even if for a short time.   I know that the closer one gets to God, the more that the Evil one wants to destroy you...  like moths to a light, those who are shining the light of God will attract those who yearn to get out of the darkness, and that makes someone very unhappy.

So as I have been saying to a few people...  why would you want to hold on to sin (a 'willful transgression of the known law') which will keep you from seeing the absolute amazing beauty that God wants to show you - because He wants to reveal so much more to us, but He can't if we are holding on to things that prevent us from growing closer to Him...

Testimony from this last week:  because I have been able to do some humanly 'impossible' things, I have been blessed with things that I might not have seen or recognized before...  A homeless man who needed direction, who simply asked for a piece of candy (and I said yes) - who then returned about 30 minutes later and asked for another.  It wasn't about the candy - he saw kindness in me and when I saw him the second time, I could sense his relief in finding shelter and warmth.  The candy was just an added bonus.  <3  A woman who was seeking help for her brother with HIV - I gave her direction and sent her on her way.  She returned to thank me, even though she unfortunately did not get what she was needing - but she saw something in me to return and asked me to pray for her and her brother.

It's these brief glimpses of Heaven that keep me going when I am hit with a brief punch of self-pity or jealousy or sorrow.  God is bigger.  God is stronger.  God is able.

Why don't we let Him do what needs to be done so we can do what He wants for us to do?

Be free, my friends.
M

Melissa, the Motivator? Only in humility...

Recently I have been placed in a position of being an accountability partner of sorts and it has gotten me thinking about myself and my own accountability.  After talking with a couple of folks who require someone else to keep them accountable - and that is usually how these things work - I did some self-analysis and have determined - I am and have probably always been self-accountable.  How does that work, you say?  Some, I know, might understand this because I can't be the only one on earth who keeps themselves on track and/or gets themselves back on track.  Something within me makes me want to do the right thing and if I do not, or I fail to do what is needed/wanted/required, I naturally feel bad or guilty or lacking in some way.

In the same way I do not require praise or reward for a 'job well done' (not that it isn't nice), but I do what needs to be done without a pat on the back or an award of some sort or even a nice word.  This drives my husband nuts because he *does* work in this way and because I don't; I am not quick to praise, nor do I show much emotion towards someone who does praise (I do thank the person - I am not cold about it.)  Perhaps I am strange - or it is just programmed in to me.

****************************************************************

So... I started this blog yesterday (Thursday, Nov 9) and then my devotions for the morning were about this exact thing.   One of the scripture verses that was mentioned this morning (Nov 10):

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves."  Philippians 2:3 NLT

Or in a different version - so many good ones out there...

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3 ESV

I struggled yesterday with finishing or wanting to post my blog because I didn't want to seem like I was puffing myself up or saying that I was better than someone else because I don't require accolade or constant praise.  I have a built in 'disappointment' meter - and I attribute it to my relationship with God.  In as much as I remember about before the age of 19, I know that I was a pretty straight laced kid who didn't want to do anything wrong, now I just don't have any desire to do wrong - and if I even think about it, I immediately have a sense of guilt or shame.

(One of my Life Verses...)
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.  Psalm 139:23-24 

Anyways, so being someone's accountability partner has been interesting.  I have been challenged by it. In as much as I have people who rely on me (Hello, four kids and a husband), I am constantly trying to help them be more self-sufficient. (This brings up a whole 'nother topic!) BUT I do understand that having others keep us accountable about things is important!

Really, I do know that it is. *big grin*

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thess. 5:11

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

I want to be a continually learner in all things and especially in Godly things, so I really do think He challenges me daily.

How is God challenging *you*?

Grace and peace to you,
Melissa