Praying in the Hard Times

We've all been there.  Hard times hit and for those of us who believe in the power of prayer and have experienced its amazing work in our lives, we know that what we need to do is come before God and lay our requests/cares/concerns out to Him.

But what happens when you just don't have the words to pray?

Well, as the one popular Christian song says, "Just say 'Jesus'."

It works.  And so does just being silent before the Lord.  Hands raised, knees bent, face down on the floor - no matter what your position may be, God hears and knows the hurts and concerns of our heart.

As I have shared before, prayer is something that comes rather naturally to me.  I sometimes feel like I have a constant running dialogue in my head with God.  Now some would question if I am just talking to myself - and perhaps sometimes that is true - but truly, I do feel like most of the time, I am not just talking to myself.  Because of that natural inclination, I usually don't find myself without words to pray - but there are times, and even some recently - where there are literally no words that come to mind.  No words.  I know then that I just need to find a quiet place and sit at His feet and wait.

The other day, my husband asked why I wasn't praying (selfishly, I might add) for something specifically that would impact our church and us personally - and I told him that I really have a hard time praying selfishly any more... inasmuch as I might want to pray for things selfishly, some of the first words that pop into my head and out my mouth now are "Your will be done, Lord."  The results of those prayers might be painful, or sorrowful to us personally, but I have found that when I do pray and even receive things that I thought I wanted so badly, they more often than not turn out to be not what I was really wanting or needing and are oftentimes more harmful in the long run.  From those experiences I have learned to pray less selfishly. I have learned that God is bigger and better and wants what is best for us - even when we might like it. In those moments - which might be longer than moments, but years - we are being molded and stretched and even chiseled into who God wants us to be.  And molding, stretching and chiseling - those things are not exactly comfortable or pleasant.  

Yet God knows what's best.

So if you find yourself in one of those times when you don't understand why you are having to go through what you are going through or what the purpose of your particular challenge is in that moment - pray.  If you don't have the words, then just be silent.  Find a friend who will pray for you.  Read God's word.  Listen to music.  Go for a hike or a walk.  Be mindful of what is happening around you and don't let yourself fall into bad habits or patterns.  And be willing to allow God to work on you. 

Be free, my friends.
M

It's the 'Little' Things...

Picking up clothes that didn't quite make it into the laundry hamper.  Making the bed. Cleaning out the cat boxes. Sending a random sweet text message during the day. Leaving a note or card by something that your spouse always uses in the morning, or throughout the day.

How do you show that you love your spouse... in the little things?

A few months back, I started folding and putting my husband's laundry away for him. I work full time, but I still do all of my family's laundry.  (Not saying this to brag, just to show something I do in love for my family.)  For awhile, I would do my husband's laundry and just leave it, unfolded, in a basket by his side of the bed. In a way, I did do that out of irritation - selfishness, really - and what's funny is that having that basket in our room actually drove me nuts.  (I like those things picked up and put away straight away.)  It didn't seem to be recognized right away that I was putting his clothes away - but I did notice that other things were being done, in reciprocation.  He started cleaning out the litter boxes (not always to my 'standard' but HEY they are done!) and did other little (and big) things around the house that I usually had to nitpick or annoyingly do myself.  I didn't ask.  He just started doing.

It's the little things.

It made me think of back in the beginning - when we first started dating.  I'm sure that some of the things that I have let grate on my nerves or annoy me were there back then, but I saw them as cute or funny or maybe just a little annoying but I let them slide.  But over time, we let arguments and annoyances build up this wall or break down the filter which causes more arguments or annoyances - a vicious cycle. Those things tend to be the beginning points of strife or the things that push us away from our spouses and perhaps into the arms (or mind) of another.  At some point we stop doing the 'little things' that we did in the dating and courting stages of our relationships...  why?

Kids, jobs, stress, health reasons...

How do we get back there?

Just by doing one 'little thing' at a time.   And without looking for anything in return.

Try it.  And don't give up.  (Oh, and make sure the lines of communication are open... in those 'little things', there might be hinderances from past hurts that need to be resolved. TALK - even when it hurts. LISTEN - and don't discount the other person's feelings. MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES - which I know isn't easy!)

<3 <3 <3

Something recently that has been on my mind... how often do you pray for your spouse?

I have prayed for mine for a long time.  We've been married for 22 years.  Until recently, most of those prayers have been unheard by my husband.  We've made it a habit to pray for one another *out loud* - whether that be spoken out loud or written in email or text.

I had to tell him last week that one of my long time prayers has been *almost* answered - and that it was difficult to pray for him in the way that he would probably want me to because of those long time prayers.

Let me explain.

Most people know that my husband is a long time drinker of soda.  Diet Coke was his drink of choice for longer than I have known him and more recently, he had switched to a diet Mt Dew, Powerade concoction.  He drank A LOT of soda.  And it was a running joke, of sorts.  It was mentioned in his sermons often.  Church members would bring him sodas or give him gift cards to buy more soda.  What most people wouldn't know is that I have been praying for him - for years - to quit drinking soda, mostly for health reasons.  I stopped 'nagging' him about it years ago. I just prayed.  He tried stopping a few times and once or twice he would be successful for a few weeks or months, but he always went back to drinking it.

I have also prayed - for years - for him to eat healthy.  He is the King of Fast Food and even when he lost a whole lot of weight about 10 years ago, he was still eating fast food - just not the bread or the fries.  His lifestyle has always been one on the go - and planning ahead by bringing healthy snacks or a lunch has just not been part of his routine. Even now - our house is right next to the church - he would still get in his car and drive to McDonald's to buy a double cheeseburger instead of eating something at home.  I prayed for fast food to taste bad (ask him!)  And I just kept praying.  Hoping for something to change, because I love him and want him to stay around for a long time!

And so, last week, he texted me and told me that he was heading to the ER...  I knew that he had been dealing with some indigestion issues (and tried to *nicely* say something about how to fix them) and the pain had finally got to the point where he couldn't stand it anymore.  The doctors ordered bloodwork and a UA - which all came back normal.  After doing an exam and speaking with him, the doctor determined that he has gastritis and/or GERD.  Thankfully nothing more serious.  But what corrects those conditions, or at least helps them to get better?

A change in diet.

Hmm...

So...  inasmuch as I wanted to pray for the pain to go away - which I did - I thought to myself, "I prayed for this."  I prayed for my husband to make changes in his diet.  I prayed for him to stop drinking soda.

I prayed for this.  Maybe not particularly that he would have severe abdominal pain, but I prayed for something to make him change.

So now, my prayers have changed.  I am now praying that he is able to have the strength and willpower to say "No" to that soda or the cheeseburger and fries.  Right now things are still healing, so he has a fresh perspective of what bad choices does to him.  But I know once the medicine kicks in and he is feeling better, it will be a lot harder to say "No" to the bad choices...

<3 <3 <3

Prayer.  Doing the 'little things'.  All good steps in making marriage all the more better.  Or even great!

Grace and peace,

M

22 Years of Wedded Bliss? Happy Anniversary Dear!

June 11, 1996.  A Tuesday.  Not your typical day for a wedding, but hey, it was our day and it gives me a 'funny' story to tell.  Even though it really isn't funny-haha.  It definitely makes the telling of our story unique - and we are definitely unique!  :)

22 years is not a monumental year to celebrate.  But this year, I have every reason to celebrate.  Marriage is hard work.  It's sometimes grueling, but sometimes easy.  It's frustrating, yet exhilarating. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, nor is it something to be taken lightly.  My husband and I have had good years and we have had bad years.  We've been through some absolutely awesome times and some very low, miserable times.  Through it all, we have both clung to God and His amazing providence.  God gets all the credit in keeping us together - and sane.  He also gets the credit in making remarkable changes in both of our lives...  without God, we would be nothing.  And most likely not together.

Going into year 22 I am looking forward to renewed focus and strength.  Recently my husband and I had a 'Come to Jesus' meeting (some of you will understand that) and it was determined that we needed to just lay everything out on the table and work through some stuff that had plagued our marriage for years.  And I mean YEARS.  Long nights of talking, tears and laughter shared - and finally a resolution that seems to be working itself out to be a great blessing.

I highly recommend figuring out how to 'fall in love' with your spouse again.  Like giddy school kids crush/high school teenager lust kind of love - only with a lot of God thrown in.  A lot.

God has done a miraculous work in both of our lives during the past six or so months...  I tell people it's like my brain has been rewired.  My husband had always desired that I make the effort to work out with him, or at least be present in the same place while we both work out (we don't usually do the same things when we work out) - and as of last Friday, I've been going to Planet Fitness for 13 weeks, 5 days a week and before that, since early January, I was walking/running every morning (until I hurt myself - and moved to working out at Planet.)  I had always desired that my husband and I do devotions together and pray together every day - and I expected that he be the one to lead it and organize it.  Well, being that he is a busy pastor and that I, too, was a pastor - I finally resolved in my heart that it was okay that I be the one to spur on devotions and prayer.  We have been very faithful - and look very much forward to  - doing our devotions together every day.  If he is already busy in his office (which happens, even at 6am), he always makes sure to find me before I leave so we can pray together.  Our day just doesn't feel right if we miss (which we did miss prayer one time a few months ago... blah.)

And as much as I can't speak for my husband, he too has had some remarkable things happen within his own life during this time.  People come into marriage with two different ways of being raised, and with lots of baggage, both carried willingly and also inherited through genetics.  Some of those things I had been praying about for a very long time - one simple one being his great need to drink massive amounts of diet soda.  I stopped nagging (yes, nagging) years ago - but chimed in every once in awhile (you know, like a 'good' wife.)  One day last month, he just decided he was done with it.  Cold turkey.  And although he has had a couple during the last few weeks, the urgency and need seems to have vanished.  That, my friends, is a God thing.  Huge.   There have been other very big changes within his life that we also can only attribute to God and His amazing mercy and grace.  God can remove some big things - completely and totally.  He really can.

As we embark on year 22, I look forward to such great things.  Someone recently commented at work that my husband and I must really like one another because he is always popping in to say hi (he also eats lunch with me twice a week.)  We both said, "Of course we do", and the response was one of "well, I like having my own space".   With me now working full time and with my husband's schedule being so busy (Welcome to Ministry!), we both look forward to those (sometimes short) times that we can spend together during the week.   I learned long ago that sometimes church members and others take precedence over time spent with my husband (usually all with good reason. And even on anniversaries... Hello year 20?  Church Campout.)  So we have found that making each moment count is so worth it (even if it is 5:00am.)

I write this to tell you that if you are struggling in your marriage, and you want to make things work (and both parties have to want to make things work... it just doesn't work one sided), there is hope.  Seek God and His wisdom.  COMMUNICATE. Talk to one another - REALLY talk.  Dig deep.  Sometimes hurt needs to surface so it can be dealt with - even hurts from years and years of stuffing.  Figure out what needs to change and actually do it.  Dig deep.  Allow God to heal.  Remember why you fell in love in the first place.  COMMUNICATE.  I can't stress that enough.  Talk to one another.

Even in the mushy gushiness, we have had some stumbles, but both of us have been good about talking - even if one or the other retreats or stuffs feelings in the moment.  It has been a great time of learning.  And I truly hope it continues as we continue to "grow old together".

Happy Anniversary, James Ramon Frye.  I love you with all of my heart.  <3
Melissa