June 11, 1996. A Tuesday. Not your typical day for a wedding, but hey, it was our day and it gives me a 'funny' story to tell. Even though it really isn't funny-haha. It definitely makes the telling of our story unique - and we are definitely unique! :)
22 years is not a monumental year to celebrate. But this year, I have every reason to celebrate. Marriage is hard work. It's sometimes grueling, but sometimes easy. It's frustrating, yet exhilarating. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, nor is it something to be taken lightly. My husband and I have had good years and we have had bad years. We've been through some absolutely awesome times and some very low, miserable times. Through it all, we have both clung to God and His amazing providence. God gets all the credit in keeping us together - and sane. He also gets the credit in making remarkable changes in both of our lives... without God, we would be nothing. And most likely not together.
Going into year 22 I am looking forward to renewed focus and strength. Recently my husband and I had a 'Come to Jesus' meeting (some of you will understand that) and it was determined that we needed to just lay everything out on the table and work through some stuff that had plagued our marriage for years. And I mean YEARS. Long nights of talking, tears and laughter shared - and finally a resolution that seems to be working itself out to be a great blessing.
I highly recommend figuring out how to 'fall in love' with your spouse again. Like giddy school kids crush/high school teenager lust kind of love - only with a lot of God thrown in. A lot.
God has done a miraculous work in both of our lives during the past six or so months... I tell people it's like my brain has been rewired. My husband had always desired that I make the effort to work out with him, or at least be present in the same place while we both work out (we don't usually do the same things when we work out) - and as of last Friday, I've been going to Planet Fitness for 13 weeks, 5 days a week and before that, since early January, I was walking/running every morning (until I hurt myself - and moved to working out at Planet.) I had always desired that my husband and I do devotions together and pray together every day - and I expected that he be the one to lead it and organize it. Well, being that he is a busy pastor and that I, too, was a pastor - I finally resolved in my heart that it was okay that I be the one to spur on devotions and prayer. We have been very faithful - and look very much forward to - doing our devotions together every day. If he is already busy in his office (which happens, even at 6am), he always makes sure to find me before I leave so we can pray together. Our day just doesn't feel right if we miss (which we did miss prayer one time a few months ago... blah.)
And as much as I can't speak for my husband, he too has had some remarkable things happen within his own life during this time. People come into marriage with two different ways of being raised, and with lots of baggage, both carried willingly and also inherited through genetics. Some of those things I had been praying about for a very long time - one simple one being his great need to drink massive amounts of diet soda. I stopped nagging (yes, nagging) years ago - but chimed in every once in awhile (you know, like a 'good' wife.) One day last month, he just decided he was done with it. Cold turkey. And although he has had a couple during the last few weeks, the urgency and need seems to have vanished. That, my friends, is a God thing. Huge. There have been other very big changes within his life that we also can only attribute to God and His amazing mercy and grace. God can remove some big things - completely and totally. He really can.
As we embark on year 22, I look forward to such great things. Someone recently commented at work that my husband and I must really like one another because he is always popping in to say hi (he also eats lunch with me twice a week.) We both said, "Of course we do", and the response was one of "well, I like having my own space". With me now working full time and with my husband's schedule being so busy (Welcome to Ministry!), we both look forward to those (sometimes short) times that we can spend together during the week. I learned long ago that sometimes church members and others take precedence over time spent with my husband (usually all with good reason. And even on anniversaries... Hello year 20? Church Campout.) So we have found that making each moment count is so worth it (even if it is 5:00am.)
I write this to tell you that if you are struggling in your marriage, and you want to make things work (and both parties have to want to make things work... it just doesn't work one sided), there is hope. Seek God and His wisdom. COMMUNICATE. Talk to one another - REALLY talk. Dig deep. Sometimes hurt needs to surface so it can be dealt with - even hurts from years and years of stuffing. Figure out what needs to change and actually do it. Dig deep. Allow God to heal. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. COMMUNICATE. I can't stress that enough. Talk to one another.
Even in the mushy gushiness, we have had some stumbles, but both of us have been good about talking - even if one or the other retreats or stuffs feelings in the moment. It has been a great time of learning. And I truly hope it continues as we continue to "grow old together".
Happy Anniversary, James Ramon Frye. I love you with all of my heart. <3
Melissa
